A Criminal Mind
by Kelyse Llewes
Summary: Draco Malfoy's last thoughts on his one true love. Based on the song A Criminal Mind by Gowan.MalfoyxHermione


1**So here's another one of my songfic fanfictions. Hope you like it. The song is called A Criminal Mind. **

**(I DO NOT Claim this Song. It was originally written and sung by Gowan. I DO NOT Claim the characters in this story. They are the property of J.K. Rowling. )**

A Criminal Mind

So we begin. My life sentence. The end of my life, as it were. Not much of a life mind you. Cruel, unfeeling parents. A dangerous world out there, that's what it is, or was. I don't know quite how long I've been behind these bars. How long I've been subjected to this madness, this cold malice. The Dementers stalk the corridors between cells. I stay chained up, here, alone, inside myself. I know I should feel their effects. I suppose you could say I do, but I don't. I am not afraid of what I have become, because everything I am was because of her. Actually, that's not true. I am a better person because of her, but not really the best kind of person.

_You see my hands are steady  
You've seen my face before _

She was the one person who could have brought me back. My other, better, best half. Her face, glowing as she smiled, looking into my eyes, cold and dull, blue-grey. I remember the last day she came to see me, before I was brought here. This cold dingy place is no place for something so beautiful. The thought of her among these unfeeling walls makes me shudder.

It was just before my trial when she came. Dressed in her school uniform, a single black sash tied around her neck, signaling to me that she would not give up hope. I walked in, hands shackled, surrounded by dark wizard catchers, Aurors in their prime. She knew I was dangerous. She knew what I was capable of, and yet she saw past it all.

_Soon you can take your last look  
And they'll close the door _

I hated what she said to me, because I knew it was true. Our last night together. Beautiful and seemingly endless. But it did end. And she ended it, even with hope.

"You are not a bad person," she tried to convince me, her wavy brown hair clinging to the sides of her tear-stained face, framing everything I knew and loved. "Draco, please, don't go. Don't do this."

_I stand accused before you  
I have no tears to cry_

"I have no choice," I remember replying cruelly. Her eyes still burn in my very soul. Every kiss, every touch, it all stays with me. I didn't have a choice and she knew that. But she chose not to see it. She tried to make me change. But I am unchangeable. I was cold, and heartless, even though she could make me melt at just one glance.

_And you will never break me  
Till the day I die _

Yes I was as sturdy as a rock. And as cold as one too. Cold and unfeeling, that was who I was, who I was born to be. With all her pleading, all her hope, she could not change that.

_A criminal mind  
Is all I've ever known_

I was raised to fear nothing, to stand my ground. My father saw to that. He wouldn't have been able to stomach a sissy son. Not the son of Lucius Malfoy. Not the son of a proud Death Eater. My father, the only man I ever feared. Sometimes I wonder if he was ever like me? And then after I wonder, I clearly see it. I am the spitting image of my father. Every wrinkle, every frown, every evil glare I have given, they were all mirror reflections of my father.

The only difference is that I listened to them all. All their pleas, begging me not to kill them, telling me I was better than that. My father would never have stood for that. He was unfeeling and totally numb. I wasn't. I think Hermione taught me that.

_They tried to reform me  
But I'm made of cold stone_

When I was with her, everything blurred. Everything I was taught, it all faded. It all disappeared in her arms. Her hands in mine, her cheek resting on mine, her luscious body molding perfectly with mine. Those were the only times when I wasn't my father's son. I was a lover, a man with a heart, a man who was capable of loving one woman. And I did. I loved Hermione. But it had been drilled into me my entire life: Duty before life. Obedience before all else. To obey was my task. And I would follow through with my task.

_My criminal mind  
Is all I've ever had_

Even in her arms though, I could not forget that I would soon have to leave them. Soon I would be gone from her. Soon I would have to follow through with my charge. That was the only sorrow I ever felt. Leaving her.

_Ask one who's known me  
If I'm really so bad...I AM_

I was Draco Malfoy, and I was the purest of purebloods, and I was in love with Hermione Granger, a mud-blood, born to two muggles. We were in love for a time. Then I had to leave. That was where everything went wrong. Where everything turned on me. As soon as I left her, she was no longer a hope. She was a distant memory that had to be repressed at all costs. And now I see her only at a distance, staring out into my memories through my steel cage.

_I've spent my life behind these steel bars  
I've paid my debt in time _

I don't think I'll ever see her again. What I did was reproachable. Unforgivable. Not even she would forgive me I guessed. I had destroyed the world she knew and loved. I had helped destroy the people she loved. It was too bad I had not destroyed myself in the process. But I had to get caught. My foolish self. Got caught and put on trial. She had come to the trial with that longing look in her eyes. And although she wore that black sash that I had given her, I knew her hope was dwindling. She wore it to give me hope, though she kept none for herself.

_But being brought to justice  
That was my only crime_

I should never have been brought here though. I had accepted what I had done. I was an outlaw, and when I accepted that, everything disappeared. I was alone in the world, despair-ridden and hallow. Yes I was definitely hallow. But you know, even with my acceptance of such things, I would still do it again. I felt nothing so I would commit horrors again. Perhaps that's why they kept me locked up, away from people.

_I don't regret a single action  
I'd do the same again_

_These prison walls secure me  
And I'm numb to pain_

_A criminal mind. That's all I've every known. Don't try to reform me. Cause I'm made of cold stone._ The words kept repeating over and over again in my head. I'll never see the light of day again. Never see my beauty's face. And perhaps it's for the best.

"Hermione?"

"Hmm?" she said as she looked up over the top of one of her books. So typical of her, to have a book in her hands.

"Would you…would you wait for me?"

"Wait for you?" she asked, closing the book and clutching it to her chest. She looked worried, or maybe skeptical. "What do you mean Draco?"

"Will you wait for me to come back?"

"Come back from where Draco? What are you talking about?" Now she looked worried.

"I…well I might not come back for a long time. I might get…delayed."

Her eyes dropped. "Oh." She knew what I meant now. Even though she didn't want to, she did, all too well. "Why are you planning to leave, if you know you might get delayed?"

That hit me in the heart. She was hoping that she would be reason enough for me to stay. To stay out of danger. To be kept safe in her arms.

_My criminal mindIs all I've ever had_

Unfortunately, it wasn't. It felt like it should be. Like it had to be the only reason to stay, why I could stay. But I could feel the tugging at my soul. She tugged one way, and my father tugged me the other. He was counting on me. And even through his cold malevolence, I could not deny that pull.

"Because I have to Hermione."

She hopped off the table she'd been sitting on and walked over to me. Here eyes looked close to tears. I couldn't believe she would tear me up like this. I knew there was no way to change how I felt. But those tears, those wet drops of salty perspiration that dropped from her beautiful brown eyes, they almost did me in.

_Ask one who's known me  
If I'm really so bad...I AM_

I reached out to her, and she took my hand. I can still remember how her hand felt in mine. It's soft warmth. It's neutral color. It was all so wonderful. And yet I had walked away from it, from her. I kissed her lips. And walked away, calling over my shoulder, "Wait for me, Hermione."

I didn't expect her to wait for me. I never really expected that. There was just a hope inside of me, somewhere deep, longing for someone to run to when I got out.

Azkaban was as hallow as I was. Cold bars, cold stone, cold feelings that surrounded our cells. It was no more than I deserved, for walking away from the one I loved to do a horrible deed. To kill. I felt like I wanted to scream somehow. But scream what? Who would hear me? Who would care? She would, if she could hear me.

_I'm made of cold stone  
Just like your prison walls_

_A criminal mind  
I AM_


End file.
